Loneliness in Early Childhood

Loneliness among children is a critical issue that leaves young children vulnerable to immediate or long-term negative consequences. It has been found to have profound negative effects on health and has been considered to be the "social equivalent of physical pain".

Could your child be suffering from loneliness?

Research has found that children do have a valid understanding of loneliness. They define loneliness as being alone and feeling sad. Kindergarteners and first-grade children responded appropriately to a series of relevant questions. When asked "Where does loneliness come from?", their answers are "Not having anybody to play with". Subsequently, when asked "What might one do to overcome their feelings of loneliness?", their answer is to "find a friend".

What is loneliness?

Loneliness refers to a person's mental state when they feel alone and isolated, and find it difficult to form connections with other people (Kendra, 2020). For example, when a child feels lonely, they may feel closed off from other people which results in them resigning to being quiet and not engaging socially. While loneliness is defined as a negative emotion of isolation, people might feel lonely despite being surrounded by people and peers.

Previous Malaysian Deputy Minister of Women, Family, and Community Development, Hannah Yeoh mentioned that 149 out of 264 calls to the Malaysian suicide hotline (Befrienders) were from children who are as young as 10 years old. These children revealed that they are lonely and needed someone to talk to (Sukhbir, 2019).

Persistent loneliness and distress require attention. For broader context on youth mental health and prevention, see Suicide – a Sure Concern for Our Children.

What contributes to loneliness?

Loneliness can be attributed to situational and internal factors. Situational factors may include physical isolation, relocation and parents' divorce (Sbarra, 2015). The death of someone significant in a person's life may lead to loneliness as well. On the other hand, internal factors that may lead to loneliness include having a low self-esteem and lacking confidence in oneself. Such people also often believe that they are unworthy to receive attention, affection and regard from other people (Kendra, 2020).

When low confidence holds a child back socially, see Child Low Confidence: What Parents Can Do for supportive strategies.

Situational factors may exacerbate an underlying internal issue. A child's experience of loneliness along with abuse, neglect, and abandonment can be likened to the same isolation intensity experienced by soldiers with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (Apsche & DiMeo, 2012).

Loneliness may not be easily recognized and is commonly mislabeled as aggression, anxiety, and depression (Solomon, 2000). Loneliness has also been considered a temporary state of being and is rarely considered important enough to relieve especially during childhood. But loneliness is associated with poor health outcomes for younger ages as much as for adults (Harris, Robinson & Qualter, 2013; Qualter & others, 2013).

Because loneliness is often confused with anxiety or low mood, parents may also find Child Anxiety and Depression: Mental Health in Children helpful when behaviour shifts persist.

The family unit is where children and young people learn and develop their social skills. Hence, parental support offered to parents or caregivers can reduce the likelihood of their children or themselves from becoming chronically lonely (Margalit, 2010). Alongside this, opportunities for social interaction should be provided to children and young people, along with their families, especially for those that face significant barriers like disabled children, young parents or caregivers. (Cowan & Cowan, 2000; Mental Health Foundation, 2013).

According to the Action for Children's survey in 2015, more than half of the parents surveyed said it is important to have a support network to rely on, particularly in having friends who are also parents. Here are some tips developed by Action for Children and YoungMinds (2017).

1. Talk about friendships.

Parents are encouraged to talk to their children by showing genuine interests in their friends and relationships. Talk to them about what healthy friendships are and ask them how they feel about their friendships.

2. Respect peer culture when safe.

Try not to be dismissive or discouraging when your child wants to fit in with the culture of their peers, as long as this doesn't carry any kind of risk. Remember that loneliness is a feeling, not a measure of number of friends or time spent interacting socially.

3. Build resilience.

Support your child in building their resilience, such as celebrating achievements, taking on responsibilities, understanding other people's feelings and facing fears. See Building Resilience in You for ideas that apply at home.

4. Partner with school.

Speak to a teacher or other member of staff at your child's school – they may be able to help but also look out for signs once they are aware.

5. Practise social confidence.

Find ways of increasing communications and confidence with all sorts of people in all sorts of ways. For example, texting among friends and close ones; chatting to neighbours; telling jokes; learning magic tricks. For social skills ideas, see How to Be Sociable: 10 Ways.

Everyone feels lonely from time to time but if your concerns are going on for an extended amount of time, do seek help. Seek advice if you suspect there might be severe underlying concerns.

References

Action for Children. (2017). It starts with hello. https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/media/9724/action_for_children_it_starts_with_hello_report__november_2017_lowres.pdf

Apsche, J. A. & DiMeo, L. (2012). Mode deactivation therapy for treating aggression and oppositional behavior in adolescents. https://www.apschecenter.com/

Cassidy, J., & Asher, S. R. (1992). Loneliness and peer relations in young children. Child Development, 63, 350-365.https://doi.org/10.2307/1131489

Cowan, CP, and Cowan, PA. (2000). When partners become parents: the big life change for couples.https://www.routledge.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-The-Big-Life-Change-for-Couples/Cowan-Cowan/p/book/9780415926102

Harris, R., Qualter, P., and Robinson, S. J. (2013). Loneliness trajectories from middle childhood to pre-adolescence. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2013.08.002

Hawkley, L. C. and Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: a theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8

Kendra, C. (2020). The Health Consequences of Loneliness. Verywell mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749

Margalit, M. (2010). Lonely Children and Adolescents: Self-Perceptions, Social Exclusion and Hope.https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-1-4419-0608-5

Mental Health Foundation. (2013). Young mums together: promoting young mothers' wellbeing.https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

Qualter, P., et al. (2013). Trajectories of loneliness during childhood and adolescence. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2013.08.001

Solomon, S.M. (2000). Childhood loneliness: Implications and intervention considerations for family therapists. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480700082008

Sbarra, D. A. (2015). Divorce and health: Current trends and future directions. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0000000000000168

Sukhbir, C. (2019). Malaysian kids are calling the domestic abuse helpline because they're lonely. https://sea.mashable.com/culture/7568/malaysian-kids-are-calling-the-domestic-abuse-helpline-because-theyre-lonely