Are you a Helicopter Parent?

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." ~ William Butler Yeats

Do today's parents think the same, or have parents kept their children in a bubble, keeping them away from any form of risks in their learning experiences? Parenting styles and parenting behaviours play an important role in strengthening and nurturing the style of child-rearing on various aspects that range from physical, social, and psychological well being.

There has been an uprising phenomena amongst modern day parents known as helicopter parenting. While this parenting style sprouts from good intentions, it has become the cause of many of the flaws in younger generations. In point of fact, helicopter parenting is said to have increased the stress of 35% of college students and has negatively impacted their academic performance.

What is helicopter parenting?

Helicopter parenting is also termed "lawnmower parenting," "cosseting parent," or "bulldoze parenting." In general, helicopter parenting refers to a parenting style by parents who pay extremely close attention to their kids to prevent any harm, physically and psychologically, to the extent of entanglement. In other words, helicopter parenting usually manifests the sign of over controlling, overprotecting, and over perfecting their child's lives in a way that is a surfeit of responsible parenting, with the key characteristic being "over".

The term "helicopter parent" was first coined in Dr Haim Ginott's 1969 book Between Parents and Teenager, where he described how parents would hover over their kids like helicopters.

Such parents want their children to be secure, happy, successful and well-educated. Out of their protective parenting nature, they make significant emotional and financial investments in their children to the point of making sure their children never face any challenges of any kind.

One common example is exerting control over a child's friendships by helping them decide whom a child should befriend or end a friendship. Some other examples might include compelling a child to practice certain musical instruments they might not be interested in, giving significant extra schoolwork, or taking control of your child's activities or hobbies. When a child wants to go skateboarding, they may be prevented from doing so because skateboarding is dangerous from the parent's perspective.

This behaviour from excessive and paranoia-like cautiousness will restrict the child's performance and limit their neurological development.

What are the common factors that contribute to helicopter parenting?

Feelings of anxiety: Parents may be anxious about their child's safety and success, resulting in them taking unrestrained control over their child's life to protect them. Due to the highly competitive world economy, job market, and social norms, parents may feel compelled to make all attempts to safeguard their children from harm.

Competitive environment: Parents who send their children to competitive schools or who live in environments that demand high accomplishment might endeavour to assist their kids through an intrusive parenting style. Some parents might overfocus to push their children to excel in every aspect.

Pressure from peers: When parents surround themselves with over-parenting or helicopter parents it can pressure parents to adopt a similar parenting style out of guilt that they are not a "good enough" parent.

Social background: Different parents from different backgrounds, regions, religions and cultural milieus have different parenting norms. Some cultures encourage a highly participatory parenting style.

Fearing failure: Parents might worry that their children have a low grade in academics, rejection from school or a botched job interview. Helicopter parents want their children to be successful but take a step too far by preventing their children from any exposure to harm and failures.

What are the long-term consequences of helicopter parenting?

According to Jessica Lahey, "today's overprotective, failure-avoidant parenting style has undermined the competence, independence, and academic potential of an entire generation."

Reduced self-esteem and confidence: Dr Anne Dunnewold said that "The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires." The over-involvement of the parent may cause the child to believe that, when they do something independently, their parents will not trust them. Constant unrestrained involvement will only reinforce the child's lack of confidence.

Lack of coping skills: A study highlighted that children raised by over-involved parents may feel less competent and less able to deal with life and its stressors. When parents intervene to prevent problems, children never have the opportunity to learn from failure, disappointment or loss.

Depression and anxiety: A research study done in 2014 proposed that college students raised by helicopter parents tend to be anxious or depressed. When children are always provided with parental guidance, they are "programmed" to make decisions upon approval from their parents; without parental guidance, they end up becoming too nervous and anxious to make decisions.

Less autonomy and dependence: Parents who always help children clean their plates, tie shoes, monitor school progress and launder clothes may prevent them from mastering these skills themselves.

Sense of entitlement: Children who always have their parents accustomed to their activities can develop a sense of entitlement by getting used to always doing things their parent's way.

Lady Bird Johnson said that "Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them." Indeed, "support" may be more beneficial to help children reach their potential as compared to "over-protection".

References

Bayless, K. (2019). What Is Helicopter Parenting? Parents. https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/

Helicopter Parenting. Touchstone Counselling Group. https://tchstone.ca/blog/helicopter-parenting/

Gilbert, N. (2021). Helicopter Parenting: The Consequences. International School Parent. https://www.internationalschoolparent.com/articles/helicopter-parenting-the-consequences/

Helicopter Parenting. GoodTherapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/helicopter-parenting

Schiffrin, H. H. et al. (2014). Helping or hovering? The effects of helicopter parenting on college students' well-being. Journal of Child and Family Studies. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9734-3

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